What is it that makes us afraid? Where does fear come from? - Note to self, I do realize how incredibly abstract and pretentious this is going to be. But, it's been on my mind.
Not of the petty things, like being fearful of forgetting a tube of lip balm or being late for an important appointment. I mean the big stuff. The sort of fears that make your heart race in broad daylight amongst your closest friends. I mean the sort of fear that doesn't go away with a glass of whiskey, a good book, or both. I mean the stuff that ghastly fears that we can only ignore if we're lucky.
I don't understand where fear even comes from. Why is it natural to be fearful? If we weren't taught to understand fear as a paralyzing force, would we do it? Fear seems like more of the response we have to our surroundings, and not something inherent within us. If fear is a reaction, then is it really that "natural", as if the world activates fear hidden within us? Is what we're afraid of coded into our biology? If it is, much of what we're fearful of must be social/contextual...it seems common that people are fearful if they have a rough experience doing something or if someone else tells them it's scary. For example, I was afraid of heights for a long time, I suspect because my mother is afraid of heights and roped me along with her. After riding a roller coaster, I realized the fear was only in my head.
What I am realizing is that fear doesn't seem to be that different between people. At it's root, I think we're all afraid of the same things. Things outside us that hurt, or things within us that hurt. That we'll be alone or of the unknown. What fear seems to come down are things that put us farther way from what we want, love and need and closer to realities that are dangerous, uncertain or unexpected. Fear, I think, is that state of mind where we believe our desired reality and our actual reality can't align. It's seeing a world we would've never wanted to imagine coming true. Which is why it makes sense that someone who fears lonliness and someone who fears getting close to others can relate. For each of those people, that's a scary place to be.
But that leaves me optimistic that fear can be conquered. Because, if it's a matter of misalignment, we can work to make those worlds co-exist. We can fight like hell to make it so that what we dream and what we are have a shot at being the same. At the very least, we can build bridges between misaligned realities so we can cope.
Instead of naming our blessings, I think naming our fears is the best first step we can take to conquer our fears because it identifies the misalignment. By naming our fears we can see exactly how different our desired reality and our actual realities are and then start bringing them together.
Loneliness is mine, and death by extension. A world alone is one that I would never want to live in. I'm damn sure that fear isn't natural, I know exactly where it comes from.
But, even if I understand fear more clearly now, this wishy-washy idea of "alignment" isn't any easier. But luckily, we're human. I'm convinced that the human spirit is strong enough to do almost anything. In fact, when the human spirit triumphs, it makes me feel fearless. Even if only for a quickly passing moment.
3 comments:
To quote the comedic dialogue of Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner in the famous improv routine "The Two-Thousand Year Old Man:"
Reiner (2000 Year Old Man): "Everything stems from fear."
Brooks (interviewer): "Even love?"
Reiner: "Mainly love."
I believe that fear is as natural as any human characteristic. Fear of the unknown; fear of death. It is what drives man's most carnal instincts- love and life (exploring love as the driving force of the world is a topic of further discussion; read some Fromm). As you say, "Loneliness is mine (your fear), and death by extension."
In that sense, I do not think that fear can be conquered, but rather it can be faced and explored. The more comfortable one becomes with one's fears, the less fear will limit that individual. Once someone comes to understand their fear, it becomes less an obstacle and more a driving force. In the words of the late Pat Tillman, "Fear is what stands between a man and an extraordinary life; the surest way through it is to stare it down over and over until the gaze becomes habit"
You touch on this point; "By naming our fears we can see exactly how different our desired reality and our actual realities are and then start bringing them together." I like this line. I think that fear in many cases drives people to irrationally hurt or harm others, to create a false reality. In identifying one's own fears and coming to understand them, one becomes less likely to thrash-out out of fearing the unknown. The more individuals in our world come to terms with their fears, the more, I believe, we will see peace.
On a slight side note, I wrote this several months ago out of random thought. I see a number of holes in it, but want to present it as it was written. Feel free to attack/comment on it.
“Real fear, not fear derived from (the failure to live up to) the constructs of society, but that which pushes one’s most carnal instincts, is absolutely liberating. For a short instance, the superfluous worries of the societal world cease to exist; one is left only with self and the ever burning desire to live.”
”Those who are not comfortable making honest peace with themselves will cling to societal comforts in these situations, unable to face themselves alone. They will shelter themselves behind others' thoughts and ideas. The opposite people will seek this fear. They will climb rocks, summit mountains, cross deserts, sleep alone under the stars. They will do these things not because they are told to do or not to do them, but because the liberating exhilaration of real fear is addicting. Because it "drives life into a corner and reduces it to its lowest terms." Because it eliminates all of mankind's meaningless constructs and highlights all that is real, all that we are born with and nothing else.”
Sorry Derek,
It seems as if I have passed by this excellent nugget of thought without adding to the dialogue or trying to understand/add to it. I apologize. But here's something that strikes me about what you wrote.
You speak about fear as a motivator. Forgive me for simplifying, but I think that's more or less what you mean. I think that's very powerful, but would that be what you want, even if it is incredibly liberating? (For the record, I find it to be liberating too.)
It just seems like a dangerous way to get or impose agency. (I'm thinking political fear-mongering and how manipulative that is). What about virtue as a motivator, do you think it's equivalent, more desirable or less desirable than fear as a motivator?
I would agree that if the individual is motivating herself with fear, that's probably different. And, it's almost virtuous to improve oneself by overcoming fear. But, doesn't that have the negative effect of being constantly motivated by things that are "fearful" and intervening as necessary instead of acting because it builds on something that's wonderful? (I think that's kind of unclear. Basically, I'm trying to express the difference between being motivated by stopping a vicious cycle and trying to accelerate a virtuous cycle...though I'm still not sure that even touches on what you said originally).
-Neil
Forgive me for generalizing my answer around a very individualistic mindset. I can be quite the selfish individualist at times. When I discuss fear as a motivator, I mean this in the most carnal of ways; breaking down the human mind to little beyond survival. I would argue that the insane society humans have created for themselves has stemmed from a lack of need to worry about survival; without having to spend time finding food and shelter, the human mind is left to create needless worries for itself (love, of course, is the great human exception to this animal rule).
When I describe fear as "liberating," I refer to a fear in which your mind is tricked into thinking that you might die. In moments such as these, the meaningless constructs of our consciousness disappear and we revert back to our truest form - essentially animals trying not do die. The more I let my mind explore these ideas (sometimes through experience), the more I am able to laugh at myself for pretty much everything I do. It is a peaceful state of mind. It is liberating. Fear, at times, ceases to really be fear at all. It becomes something to throw yourself at merely to laugh at your own emotional reaction to- you stop fearing fear, if that really makes any sense.
With that said, I'm sure I could be scared in ways that I would not laugh at. I am mortal. I want to survive.
Anyway, I feel like we are kind of exploring the idea from different angles. I agree that scaring others with ideas that those people may understand little about is a pretty evil thing to do. I like to believe that in almost every choice I make, I try to ask myself as honestly as possible why I am making a given choice. My answers, and eventual choice, generally stem around two questions 1) Am I making myself happy (happy in a way that I could sit alone in a dark room for hours on end, look back at that decision, and still feel that it was made with genuinely positive intentions)? 2) Am I hurting anyone else? Will my decision in any way make someone else unhappy?
I think I am getting a little off topic. The point is, I agree with both of us. I try to motivate myself by virtues (because I have no pressing fear for my survival). To me, that means making myself happy. I gain happiness from making others genuinely happy and so peaceful positivity is payed forward and hopefully the world becomes a better place. Fear is not what drives my conscious decision making. However, from the subconscious level, it is a constant driving force. I find that bringing out that subconscious to the surface to be liberating.
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