Truth and Honesty

I'm constantly reminded by how important honesty is - and as my neighbor Megan reminded over dinner on Sunday evening - full, complete honesty. It's the bedrock of any relationship because it's a necessary (and first condition) of truth. The truth is worth fighting for. So are relationships that are based on honesty, because they're honestly so rare. SO rare.

And, it's a precious love when each person in the pair has the ability, desire and intimacy to reveal the truth in all it's beauty and ugly. It's the stuff that dreams are made of.

Some would say that it, the truth that is, is the only thing in the world that never dies. If that's the case, God is in the truth. And that's a big deal.

Jay-Z is also correct, in his own way, which is pretty eloquently summarized: "real recognize real, rahh".

On faith, quickly.

I haven't been thinking about faith, and the mysteries of the universe for very long. At least in a way that's deliberate. But, there's been one thing that I've been thinking about, with regard to faith that I've learned.

That it's tested. And that it's hard and painful to believe in what's true sometimes.

Make that two things.

Looking to 2012

As is usually the case over the winter holiday, I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on 2011. It's going to be a really, really hard year in 2012. My habit change is simple - eliminate unnecessary cursing and the use of corporate jargon.

My real resolution will be a lot more difficult, though, learning to understand and express feelings. I spend lots of time thinking, but as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator would suggest, thinking is much different than feeling. I'm luckily that thinking comes easily to me - in fact, I'd say I spend about 90-92% of my waking hours thinking.

Feeling - though I dislike the connotation of the word, "feeling" because when men use the word, it's affiliated with weakness - is a much different venture and requires a different sort of muscle, so to speak. It's a muscle I've never really developed and have avoided developing (I've instead opted to think through such things...not really "feel" them).

Let's non-sequiter to an analysis this year (the thinking part):

Professional / Community Life - Good. Beast mode. But, less than perfect work-life balance.

Social Life - Great. Hard transition moving but meaningful relationships with friends old and new.

Family Life - Great. Two weddings. Rebirth of family relationships. My dad is no longer distraught over employment.

Physical Health - Okay, but on an upswing. Houston project was making me unhealthy, but no more of that malarki.

Intellectual Health - I always aspire for more maturity here, but, great gains.

Happiness level - fairly happy, aside from aforementioned work-life balance and some other job stuff.

Now, that leaves a few other areas:

Emotional Health - N/A. I don't really know, I kind of "just keep swimming" most of the time, so this doesn't apply.

Spiritual Health - N/A. This one isn't exactly my fault (I'm a spiritual orphan because of my oft conflicting identities).

Romantic Relationships - For the most part, N/A. Also, not really important to discuss here.

Those are, like, three really big areas to have N/As, no?

I've spent a lot of time focusing on the top categories and not very much time focusing on the bottom three. It's not even a question of "focusing" on them, either. I've kind of boxed those things out.

And, it's kind of scary because I have no idea how this will go. I don't know if I'll be a wreck, at times. I don't know if I'll be the same as I always am, expect a little less serious and a little more at peace. I don't know if I'll get really angry or become a wuss. And, as someone who always likes to be in control of mind and body, this is nearly terrifying.

And, as someone who can usually only express "feelings" by blogging, slam poetry, dance or singing in the shower - not expressing them to others or publicly - I'm worried that I'm getting in over my head.

Overall, I don't plan on becoming this broken-record-blubbering-fool, either. I think I'll keep with the intensity for the most part (my two speeds are "go" and "overdrive", I've discovered), but no longer recklessly.

I hope by the end of this I'll be a healthier person who can be a better friend, son, brother and colleague, and, eventually a better husband, father and citizen. This may be a really, really difficult experiment of a year, but it has to be done. I'm finally really for this challenge, and, I can't continue as-is any longer. Well, I can, but it's extremely taxing and to be honest, I don't want to.

Thank G-d that I don't have to do this alone.

The Mission Mission

It seems to me that there are a few scenarios in the organizational world with regard to management and leadership (for give me for simplifying):

1. There's a dictatorial soverign keeping an organization together by hook or by crook

2. There's a benevelont leader who inspiries people in the organization and provides what we call "leadership"

3. An organization manages itself, so to speak, by converging on a clear purporse and easy to understand roles and responsibilities

4. An organization is directionless and eventually folds for lack of leadership and management

I think #3 is the ideal because it's moral, sustainable and not nearly as costly as options 1 and 2. Option 4 is prima facie awful.

As I observe more and more organizations, it seems like all organizations are subject to these criteria - families, NGOs, companies, sports teams...every last one.

Option 3 requires a lot of foundational work that humans don't seem to understand yet, namely the definition of a clear purposes, roles & responsibilities, intrinsic motivation and a commitment to the people in the organization which supercedes selfish motivies. In other words, it takes structures and behaviors which humans aren't capable of yet, writ large.

We're going to figure this out though, we have to. Humans can't have organizations which fall into categories 1 and 2 anymore...they won't work (e.g. too much choice, decoupling of power structures and institutions, etc.). Stay tuned. It's time to go on a mission to make organizations focus on mission - everything flows from that.

Why I shop online

Why do people treat my parents different because they're older and speak with an accent? They get talked down to all the time, in latent ways that barely anyone hears. Growing up in Oakland County, MI you think that people are above that, but they can't help it.

Even people in Detroit are more welcoming, accepting and inclusive. It's infuriating to see people I care about get treated with such disrespect. And, it's also infuriating that I, as many others in America of Asian descent are subject to, am percieved as being an uppity minority that's being accusatory if I suggest that folks are exuding xenophobia.

There's no winning this, what will it take to not feel like a minority in America?

This is one of my problems which are not "first world", this stuff is real. This is also a major reason why I shop online, a lot - there's less opportunity for Agent groups to take it out on me and my family, simply because they can and/or don't understand that they're behaving in a way that's incredibly deflating.

Thank goodness (most) of my friends don't intentionally or unintentionally subscribe to latent racism. I wish others were as lucky.

Listening to one's own heart

In many circumstances, I've found listening to be more important than speaking. For many reasons - you learn more, it's tremendously respectful and generally speaking others are more important than oneself. Listening to others is a rare gift, one that I try to practice (with different levels of success) everyday.

Let's put that sort of listening aside for now.

There's a different kind of listening that I've never really thought about before last week - listening to one's own heart. Just as important as listening to others, listening to one's own hear is just as imporant and it's harder I think. It requires a complete absence of mental noise and a quiet confidence to hear the "song that's being sung from within", so to speak. The only type of listening that seems to be harder, is listening for god.

But, why is this so important? I think it's something that's contrary to our nature as social beings. We try to contextualize and create meaning out of ideas, and we have desires. There are things that we want. And in our own hearts, our mind is easy to draw us into selfishness. I don't know exactly what I'm saying, but what I'm trying to get at is there are so many things in the world that stop us from listening to our hearts and so many people that want us to "hear" something else. And that's what makes it crucially important.

We have to listen to our hearts to know what we really feel and believe. I thought for a long time about the power of "thinking" and how anything can be figured out if you think about it hard enough. But, I think that's erring. Some things require a stronger beacon to guide decisions - something that accounts for feeling, spirituality and morality.

In all its nakedness, listening to ones own heart is irreplaceable, and, I think that it's probably the only way to make decisions that matter most.

But, how to hear it clearly? And, it's miserable to hear the song of one's own heart and not know how to or have the courage to follow it - that's an entirely different matter.

And also, I think it's so hard - I can hardly express feeling to anyone outside of writing it and reflecting on it in a blog, how can I possibly be in touch with my own heart to listen to it?

Home

With every day that passes, and every city I visit I only remember one place - home. Home of the past and the future. My heart aches for it more and more and more and more again. All I want to do is go there and stay there for the rest of my days.

Social Change and its nomenclature

I caught something on facebook the other day - someone being congratulatory about some friend's work which was exemplary "positive social change". Which is fine, social change is not something that's a bad thing, certainly.

But this whole enterprise of "social change" has to be better. The deployment of it, probably has a lot of room for improvement, I think. In fact, peering into the language of social change and how it's described is pretty indicative about some of its attributes I take issue with.

Here are two examples:

Let's first deconstruct the whole idea of "social change". When people talk about it, it's a pretty unfocused term. When people talk about wanting to be a part of social change they describe it as such. What the heck does this mean? What's the goal here? As it's concieved now, social change is this amorphous, non-descript idea where do-gooders seem to do what feels good or sounds good. Where's the specific mission statement or objective?

That being said, it doesn't have to be some very narrow mission and could be a very ambitious goal. But setting a goal in the first place of how social value will be delivered is prudent. There aren't enough resources to be fluffy about social change.

I also get it that "social change" people probably have goals and good intentions of hitting specific goals and targets with their work. That's great. But, kindly get serious enough about it to not be careless about communicating the change you hope to inflect.

Here's the second example

What's this focus on "change" as the operating word in the phrase. Why is "change" implied as a good thing? Admittedly, if we're not satisfied with the current-state of social affairs it stands to reason that some sort of change is necessary.

But, that's so reckless to talk about change. Change has no focus as a term. Change is something that you have to control. Change is a directionless word. To think about doing change seems like it would suggest that doing stuff, for the sake of doing stuff is advantageous, and conceptually sound.

But in my experience, change is really, really hard. It takes a ton of preparation and lots of investment. It takes a LOT of leadership / engagement and never happens for the sake of happening. So, don't focus on change - focus on a goal or outcome. Focus on a behavior. Not just change itself...focusing on change itself makes me think the social agent attempting to "change" things probably doesn't really know what they are talking about.

So to summarize - and this message goes to social change agents - get some plans together and set some goals. Kindly articulate the value you intend to create in the community. Don't hide behind the idea of "social change" and pretend like everyone should support the activities you're attempting because it sounds sweet. Think it through a little more.

A little harsh, I know. But really...we don't have community resources to waste that are not focused on something that really improves our communities.

Teachings from Buddhist Monks in Thailand

One of the most interesting things we did in Thailand was to attend a monk chat. During this chat we learned about what it is like to be a monk and about some of the fundamental tenants of Buddhism. That's a topic that I'll have to explore more, but one of the things I've been really riveting and reflecting on is some of the transformations I've undergone since I've graduated college - and lost some of my youthfulness.

It hasn't even been a transformation, it's been a bit of a transgression and I think it has spurned from wealth, my job and untamed ambition (and probably having drinks on the rooftops of skyscrapers in Asia). Let me explain.

I reached a point a few years ago where I was fully content with just doing good things and doing interesting things. I was less selfish, less entitled and I held pretty closely to principle. Now, though, I recognize that I've started to slip for the "righteous path", so to speak. I've become accustomed to creature comforts and I've started to devalue common things. I've begun to act - albeit slightly - that I'm entitled to something...which is a big leap something I believe in theory, that I'm not entitled to anything. I've begun to value the "nosebleeds" and have high aspirations for success.

Though, this is all fine. I'm missing the real, and graver, problem. Here's a summary - which links to some of the Buddhist teachings I've picked up (one takeaway is that Buddhism is all about choices and actions.

Lately, I've been thinking and acting like this:

Desire -> Motivation -> Choice -> Action -> Outcome: "I want W and I am motivated to do something about it, I will choose to do Y with result Z"

I'm missing something important here:

What's right -> Motivation -> Choice -> Action -> Outcome: "I know what's right is X, so I am motivated to do it. I will choose to do it, recognizing what the outcomes will be"

I've been developing the incorrect though process and have been deviating because of temptation. I recognize this now. Unfortunately, this is the easy part. The hard part is, actually doing it (and as a Buddhist might add, detaching myself from desire).

All in all, a good trip.

Patriots will weep

As a young boy, I was filled with hope for American republican democracy. I traveled to foreign countries and saw the gentleness of our people compared with the weight of king-like corruption and the contrast between citizens who littered shamelessly and those who swept the streets their friends and family walked on. Even the air smelled different.

All this was indicative, at least to my 6 year old self, that there was something special about our country and our system of government. Reasonable men with reasonable requests were able to literally make their neighborhoods a better place. Discussions were had intensely, but at the end of it all we were all on the same team. America and her interests were affixed permanently to our intent.

Somewhere along the way, though, we forgot about the roots of our republic. It seems like it became about greed and utility maximization, instead of principle. And, there was nobody left to contain the tyranny of the tyrants or of the citizenry. Our democracy was defenseless from our ugliest urges.

This debt crisis reveals the aforementioned ugly side. How have we forgotten what we are fighting for. For a long time, I think, people prioritized family, duty, God and community before themselves. Now, it seems the opposite and it's tearing away the strength we have from hanging together.

I don't pray about many things, but I'll probably pray that our leaders lay aside malice and guile to figure this out. Not only because a Federal default could have immediate and devastating consequences, but also because it would cast a modicum of doubt on the reputation of freedom and self-governance. It would question that our way of life is the right way of life. Policy wise, the debt crisis is probably much less consequential than other matters throughout history and future debates on gravely important issues.

But this issue is a small but poignant verdict on the stability of our republican democracy, which is affective of our governments foundation even if it is not consequential. In my opinion, because the solution is clear - the deals are just about the mix of policy solutions - this is not only a "debt crisis" but a "democracy crisis", of sorts (naturally this is sensationalized...that's what the situation has been called, though).

If a deal doesn't get done, patriots will weep. And I will be one of them. And as we clear our eyes, we'll see the path ahead from the light of the sun rising over our country's eastern shore. And those that wept will pick up the pieces anyhow.