Each Other

In the past few weeks I've noticed several couples on the rocks or splitting. This will inevitably continue as spring fever takes over and new beginnings occur. Which is fine.

What I wish these folks realized, as they contemplate and complain about if they're "getting what they want and need" in their relationships, is that such reflection is misguided. What those couples don't seem to realize is they already have everything they need - each other. The couples I see with the strongest relationships are the ones that realize this.

If each other isn't enough for them, though, I suppose they probably should split before they find themselves unhappy years later, always waiting for the next relationships milestone.

Taking it back*

People, or more likely institutions, can take a lot away from you. They can take your time, your health, your mind, your home, your body, your property, your hope, your family, your joy, your freedom, and even your life.

But there are some things they cannot take without your consent (though sometimes the cost of resistance is high) - your beliefs, your convictions**, your values, and your faith. They also can't change virtue or the truth, those things are enduring.

I find great comfort in the fact that some things are enduring, some things can't be taken from you unless you give them up, and that the things that can be taken from you can take back. This consoles me when I feel inconsolable.

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*Thanks to a good friend, RH, for using the phrase "I'm taking it back" when referring to the first category of things I've listed out. I would've never thought about this otherwise. Also thanks to one of my high school English teachers, GM, for guiding us to read East of Eden, I've been thinking about this passage for nearly 10 years now:

** - http://timshel.org/timshel.php. An excerpt from John Steinbeck's East of Eden:

Lee’s hand shook as he filled the delicate cups. He drank his down in one gulp. “Don’t you see?” he cried. “The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?”

“Yes, I see. I do see. But you do not believe this is divine law. Why do you feel its importance?”

“Ah!” said Lee. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time. I even anticipated your questions and I am well prepared. Any writing which has influenced the thinking and the lives of innumerable people is important. Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt.’ Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.” Lee’s voice was a chant of triumph.

"Because they have God."

I was reminded of this story, because of an article Emily W. sent me earlier today. She actually sent me three good ones:

• http://www.archdaily.com/361831/infographic-life-inside-the-kowloon-walled-city/ - This is the one that triggered the story
• http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/02/14/110214fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=all - Another good one she sent
• http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-09-18/what-mitt-romney-doesn-t-get-about-responsibility.html - This one is good too

Anyway, here's the story.

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When I was 18 years old I was a freshman in undergrad and over Winter Break, I went to a family wedding in India. This, being an Indian wedding and a wedding involving my boisterous/awesome family, was obviously a huge affair and to accommodate our clan, my uncle rented a 20 room bungalow outside of Delhi. One of the days, we needed firewood. I hopped in the car with my eldest sister and her son (who was probably 5 at the time), and we set off to find some.

We found ourselves in a slum, because it was the closest place to get the wood. We were in a car, of course, but I was trying to observe the scene as closely as I could.  My sister commented that the people in the slum were generally happy, despite their destitute poverty. I asked her why.

"Because they have God," she said sincerely and almost nostalgically, after a pause.

I don't know exactly how that moment changed me, but it did. I haven't been the same since. I'm only starting to figure out why now, almost eight years later.